Pregnant Hollie Ashcroft has everything she needs for her baby girl when she arrives. She’s picked out a little pink coffi nand has decided what songs will play at her daughter’s funeral.

With her hands on her bump, feeling every precious kick, Hollie explains how her baby, who will be named Mercedes Hollie Ashcroft-Scott, has a rare condition that means she will die within minutes of her birth. When her contractions finally start, Hollie and her partner Alex know they will be counting down to Mercedes’ birth – and death.

Mercedes has Meckel-Gruber syndrome, which has stopped her kidneys and lungs developing normally. When the problem was discovered during a routine scan at 20 weeks, the doctors offered Hollie a termination.

But Hollie refused. She decided she wanted to let nature take its course and is now six months pregnant. “This syndrome is 100 % fatal – our baby will die,” says Hollie (21), of Palmerston North. “She won’t take a first breath, but my midwife says that her heart will probably beat for a while and I might be able to feel it beating.

“I’m trying not to think about the birth. There’s a chance she could pass away inside me before that. It’s so tough going through the pregnancy while trying to plan a funeral and come to terms with the fact I’m not going to have my baby in my arms at the end of it.”

Hollie, who has a son Brooklyn (3) from a previous relationship, met her partner Alex Scott (22) when her son was just eight weeks old. She had gone through her first pregnancy alone and falling in love with Alex helped her find happiness at last.

The pair had been together for three years when Hollie got pregnant again. Although it was a surprise, the family had adjusted to the idea of a new arrival and by the time Hollie had the 20-week scan, Brooklyn was excited about becoming a big brother.

“He said he wanted a sister and together we bought baby things like the cot and a pram,” recalls Hollie.
At the scan, the couple’s main concern was finding out if Brooklyn would have a new brother or sister, but they could tell from the scan operator’s body language that something was seriously wrong.

“The lady wasn’t saying a lot and she kept leaving the room. I could see myself that the scan looked different from the one I had with Brooklyn,” says Hollie. “We kept asking the sex of the baby and she kept saying she couldn’t see it yet.

We were there for an hour and at the end Alex asked if there was something wrong. She just said, ‘You need to go and see your midwife.’”

Hollie’s midwife broke the news that the baby’s organs weren’t developing normally and another scan was necessary for more information. When the second scan couldn’t find the baby’s lungs or kidneys, Hollie and Alex were told there was no chance their child would survive outside the womb.

“I could feel her moving at that point. The doctor said it was completely up to us and we’d have their full support if we decided to carry on,” says Hollie. “I’m so glad we did. It helps make memories because this is the only time we’re going to have with her.

“Even now, she’s so active. Sometimes I just don’t believe she’s going to die but I’ve had a lot of strange dreams – her lying in her coffin. We’ve been trying to plan her funeral but it’s just so hard to think about it. I have picked out a little pink coffin for her and we’ve decided to play Let it Be, by The Beatles, and Amazing Grace.”

For a month after getting the news, a devastated Hollie spent her days in tears. The turning point came when she met another couple whose baby also died at birth. It helped Hollie find the strength to tell Brooklyn that the baby, who kicks so happily in her tummy, is going to die.

“I’ve taken him to the cemetery so he knows where she’s going to be. Sometimes he’ll ask me, ‘Is my sister at the dead people yet?’ I don’t know what he understands but I also don’t want to hide it from him.”

While Hollie and Alex would love to try for another baby, it will be some time before they’re ready. Both carry the rare faulty gene that can cause Meckel-Gruber and any baby would have a one-in-four chance of being affected.

For now, though, they want to celebrate and mourn Mercedes. “It’ll take some time before we feel able to take that chance,” says Hollie.

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