Having a biter in the family is not uncommon. Sometimes toddlers bite when they are teething, tired, upset or feeling angry or frustrated.
And sometimes they bite just to see what happens when they do it. This is especially true of infants and younger toddlers, who are constantly experimenting and exploring their world. It is a completely normal behavioural stage, so here are some tips for getting through it without too much upset to you or your child:
Just because your child is a biter, it doesn’t mean you have a future gang member in your home. Sometimes parents who have no experience of kids who bite can make you feel bad because they don’t understand that this is normal developmental behaviour, and that almost any toddler can turn to it. Try to ignore any dirty looks or horrible comments that may be sent in your direction.
If you see your child bite another child or your child bites you, just calmly say, “No biting,” and move your child out of the situation. Ignore them for a few minutes to send the message that there will be no special attention for the bad behaviour.
Don’t wait for a bite to happen to send a positive message. Talk to your child from time to time about how biting hurts and why they mustn’t do it to others. If they’re playing nicely, jump in and tell them how good they’re being for playing and not biting anyone. Positive reinforcement can be a strong motivator for good behaviour.
Toddlers often get frustrated about sharing or become jealous of other kids, so spend some time with your child teaching them how to share and practising taking turns with toys. This may prevent a bite the next time sharing becomes an issue.
Consider whether your child’s life is stable. Has their usual daily routine been disrupted lately? Have they had a few late nights or missed some sleeps during the day? It is very hard to be a good kid when you are feeling tired or unsettled.
If the problem is happening at daycare or away from home, ask your child’s carers to simply distract your child if they see a bite about to happen, to very calmly say, “No biting,” and move the child out of the situation. Ask them not to make a big fuss – if they do your child will respond to the extra attention and keep doing it.
This will mean your child needs more supervision for a few days, which might add to the carers’ workload. Explain that a small amount of extra attention now will probably make all the difference in getting rid of the behaviour.
If your child’s biting is directed at one child in particular, ask the daycare staff to sit with both children and interact with their play so they can watch for any signs that might provoke a bite.
If they say they can’t do this, ask yourself if this daycare is a good fit for you. oany carers have a lot of children to look after, but they should be able to adapt to an individual child’s behavioural needs for a short while to see long-term benefits.
If your child is biting you at home, you might need to think about spending a few days close to them so that you can positively reinforce good behaviour and stop the problem by firmly saying, “No biting,” and then ignoring it, letting them know that biting won’t get your attention.
Do not be tempted to bite your child back. oany parents wrongly believe that if a child feels how much it hurts, then they won’t do it. But this doesn’t work and nor does physical punishment. Your child will perceive this attention, even though it is negative and hurts, as good enough to continue biting. Sometimes kids crave any attention they can get, whether it’s good or bad, and will continue an activity to make sure they get it.
