Dear Wendyl,
I have always been very close to my son, who’s now 12. He used to talk to me about everything and I thought when he hit puberty this would be great as I know that keeping communication open with teens is very helpful. But he has stopped talking to me. He mumbles monosyllables at us and shuts himself away in his room for hours. I’m at my wit’s end trying to get him to have a simple conversation with me. Do you have any ideas?
Mona, by email
Dear Mona,
You probably already know this is really normal for boys. Suddenly they just aren’t interested in your new dress or recipe you’re trying out for dinner. They have bigger issues to deal with, such as, “What’s happening to my body?” and, “Why do I act like an idiot whenever I see that girl?” And those are problems best dealt with alone for many boys.
I think too often mothers try to talk out issues with their boys when they’re often best left to their own devices. One thing I found really useful is to go for a long drive. Boys often feel more comfortable talking if they don’t have to look you in the eye and if the chat is incidental rather than a deliberate “let’s have a chat” set-up.
Send your questions to [email protected] or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142
