Family

When children go through the ‘no’ stage

I still have to ask – how do you stop a toddler from saying “no” to everything?
When children go through the 'no' stage

Dear Diane,

If you have the definitive answer to this, I’ll nominate you for a Nobel Prize. But I still have to ask – how do you stop a toddler from saying “no” to everything? I have a two-year-old who won’t do anything he’s told and it’s extremely trying! Do you believe in time out and that kind of thing? I often feel that approach just stresses out the child – and me – even more, but what’s the alternative? I guess he’s testing boundaries, but I wish he’d stop!

Suzy, via email

Dear Suzy,

Thank you for a wonderful offer but, once again, I am going to miss out on a Nobel Prize. Saying “no” to everything is part of developing from a baby, who scarcely knows where they finish and Mum starts, to an independent child who has his own thoughts and opinions.

We all enjoy watching the toddler who delights in the sheer joy of being able to move around on two legs just because he can. Learning to have a different opinion and say “no” is just another phase. Why do they do either? Just because they can! How are we, as parents, going to manage and survive this phase? Set up as much of the environment as you can so your two-year-old has lots of things that he can do and lots of opportunities to run around in open space and burn off his considerable energy.

Try to lead him through his day positively rather than fill it with your own no’s. Often, if you give him the chance to say no and then wait for a few minutes without doing anything in particular, he can have the satisfaction of saying no and then be ready to co-operate. Save time outs for things that are seriously unpleasant and/or dangerous.

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