Dear Diane,
How much is it okay to discipline someone else’s child? We occasionally look after a friend’s child in return for them looking after ours, so it is an arrangement we need to keep. He makes a habit of either hiding or getting lost!
We recently took him to a supermarket as part of a day out and lost him for 20 minutes in the supermarket – he was hiding in the toilet rolls. We had only been a few minutes away from calling the police after we couldn’t find him! His mum knows it is a worry, but she is much more tolerant of this. I find looking after him hugely stressful.
Cathy
Dear Cathy,
It is certainly okay to have age-appropriate rules that all children are expected to obey – that includes children who are visiting. It is entirely reasonable to expect children to come when they are called and to stay within sight in a public place. Begin at home where you have a greater degree of control. Explain that your job is to keep him safe and he needs to be where you can see him. Keep him in the room where you are (with the doors shut, if need be) and explain that he must play where you can see him. As you go from room to room, take him with you.
After about half an hour, tell him he is free to go and play, provided he comes straight away when called. After a few minutes, call him and, if he does show up, let him know that he is wonderful and he can go and play for longer. If he doesn’t come, it means that he hasn’t learned the lesson and needs another session of “close proximity training”. Once he is reliable at home, start him away from home by having him hold your hand or skirt for the first quarter hour. Then tell him that he is allowed to walk free provided he stays where you can see him and he can see you. “Close proximity retrain” as necessary.
Diane Levy provides expert answers to your parenting queries. Send your questions to: [email protected] Diane’s parenting books are available in book shops.
