Diane Levy joins us to provide expert answers to your parenting queries. Send your questions to: [email protected]. Diane can’t answer individual queries, but we will endeavour to publish a representative sample on this page. Diane’s parenting books are available in bookshops.
Dear Diane
I’ve always been generous with rules around the house and I have a 15-year-old son who does what he pleases, but it’s at the point where it’s getting a bit too much and he’s taking advantage of it.
We constantly have the neighbours complaining because he always has his music up loud and friends over until all hours of the night when I’m over at my partner’s house. He refuses to come with me to stay there. He also refuses to go over to his father’s to stay, because it’s in a different town to his friends and he doesn’t have a car at the moment.
He goes out with his friends at night, which I’ve never had a problem with, but he never cleans up the mess from them all hanging out there and eating our food and getting ready. What can I do about getting him to want to stay at his father’s or getting him to be responsible at home?
Narelle, Hokitika
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Dear Narelle
Regaining control of your life and teaching your son how to be a responsible member of your family isn’t going to happen simply, and you’re not going to get anywhere by appealing to his better nature. The trick is you can’t make him do anything – but equally, he can’t make you do anything you don’t want to.
While he’s asleep, put a few small, vital bits of his sound system in the boot of your car, so that when you’ve gone away he can’t disturb the neighbours.
Make sure you only keep healthy food at home – his friends are less likely to eat all of your apples than chips.
When you’re at home and his friends are about to leave, block the door, smile sweetly and say to them, “I’d like you to give me a hand to wash and dry all the dirty plates and glasses before you leave.”
You’re not only showing him that you aren’t to be walked over, you’re also helping him to be more responsible and are making his father’s place look much more attractive!
