Dear Diane,
I know this is a common problem but it’s so embarrassing all the same. My four-year-old son is a very enthusiastic nose picker and does it all the time, but especially in public. The frustrating thing is that he knows it gives him power, and the more we ask him to stop the more he does it. My mother says not to worry, that he’ll grow out of it but I know if someone else’s child were doing it, I would feel sick watching and be wondering why they didn’t stop him or her.
Leanne, by email
Dear Leanne,
Your son has a harmless, socially unacceptable behaviour and common advice would be not to mention it again (in other words, stop nagging and drawing attention to it) and he will give it up, because it no longer has power, and/or grow out of it. In my experience, this “planned ignoring” doesn’t work. I agree you should stop commenting on the behaviour or asking him to stop. This is not powerful enough to help him overcome a habit. Instead, resolve that you are never again going to see him nose-picking without responding. Whenever, you see him nose-picking at home, send him off to his room, saying strongly, “You know you are not allowed to pick your nose. I’ll tell you when you can come out” and set a timer for five minutes. When the timer goes off, just call out, “You can come out now,” and avoid making any further comment.When you are out, any spot you choose can be the spot where he sits for five minutes. By inconveniencing him – without commenting or nagging – and simply acting every time he nose-picks, he will choose to get better control over his finger.
If it turns out that he is a smart-aleck who deliberately picks his nose every time he is in time out, then make absolutely sure that you never see it happening.
