Relationships

What is true love?

In deep discussion about what “true love” is and if it exists, someone challenged me to write a blog about it.

He challenged me to think about a concept almost as multifaceted as the concept of God.

What is God? Most of us understand the idea but we struggle to define it, let alone prove it exists. When anyone challenges me to prove God’s existence, I demand that they disprove it first. And that’s exactly how I feel about true love – I know it exists but I can’t define it, nor can I prove it. In fact, the more I think about it, the more my head hurts.

On a simple level, I managed the following definition: “true love” is “romantic unconditional love”. We all seek unconditional love from our partners and friends but very few of us achieve it.

Too easily, we become judgmental or fed up with each other’s antics before we retreat to our corners to lick our wounds, playing victim, or have a much needed emotional rest.

And when we are recharged, we return to the world ready to be friends, lovers or whatever again.

The closest most of us come to unconditional love is in our family relationships. In this space, we put up with everything, we accept most things and agree to disagree that regardless of what happens, we will always be there for each other because, as they say, blood is thicker than water and we are family.

It’s a subconscious understanding that goes to the centre of the Earth, one that is so deeply entrenched from decades of moulding and bonding, that anything would struggle to undo it.

My brother and I used to fight like cats and dogs when we were little, but if anyone treated him poorly, I saw red and could kill them. Only I was allowed to beat him up!

It’s difficult to reach this place in romantic relationships because too often we aren’t prepared to open ourselves up fully.

Our vulnerability leaves us fearful and our egos have us believing we are always right.

Compromise and respect become figments of our imagination, and before you know it we are wondering why we married them.

The years needed to form a truly deep understanding and commitment are rare because we grow impatient, become judgmental, give too much or simply give up.

Deep bonds for true love take time to manifest, but most humans in this day and age are only good for 20 years, which is not enough.

On a physical level, true love can be seen in our actions. Little things like a cup of tea each morning, neatly ironed shirts, a trusted shoulder to cry on or just knowing someone is in your corner and has your back.

It could be something more romantic like traveling miles to see another or sacrificing time and money for someone your family can’t stand.

However, I think the greatest sign of true love is taking a partner back who has betrayed your trust, shagged another, destroyed your life and crushed your family.

Forgiving an infidelity is one of the hardest things you can do, and if you have, then well done… you are a greater person than me!

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