How can you tell if he really loves you? Is it in his kiss?
He says he loves me but he’s always late, never pays, prefers his mates, flirts openly, fires up regularly, ignores my family, tells porkies, criticises my dress sense, forgets my birthday, does nothing around the house and is the host with the most when people are watching, but is totally useless when they’re not.
We have all been in relationships where we have lived through one, but hopefully not all, of the above. We like to think we are intelligent people but when it comes to love, we turn into idiots who put up with idiot behaviour from idiot dirt bags.
We put friends on hold, feel guilty when we shouldn’t and value his opinion above all else – even though we’ve only known him for five minutes. When the love glow sets in, we rationalise his forgetfulness, thoughtlessness and absence as one-off moments – a habit that soon becomes the norm. That is, if we notice the slack-tit behaviour at all.
I had a boyfriend who was a prize basket case. On the outside, he was a grown man, but inside he was still channeling his 5-year-old self. He wielded emotional blackmail like a professional killer, got money out of me like it grew on trees and convinced me he was the sweetest thing on earth while eyeing up every skirt in the room.
This guy was special. He took no responsibility for his negative actions and full credit for any accolades, even if his contribution was the size of an atom. His ability to disempower me, render me dependent and blame me for all his misfortune was overwhelming. He made me feel like the chosen one and grateful.
Now I can see you thinking, “What a prize idiot I am! How could I have gotten myself into such a train wreck of a relationship?” Love is the answer. I got carried away on the love train and forgave every move he made. As you can imagine, it was a lesson hard felt and very well learnt. Needless to say, the emotional doormat got binned along with the idiot dirt bag.
Nowadays a kiss is lovely, but the measure of love is in his actions. If he forgets your birthday, bin him. If he buys you a non-romantic gift for valentines day or birthday, eject him. If he calls you after work to go out that night, tell him to forget it – he obviously had nothing else to do.
If he wants to play with his friends all weekend, tell him you’re busy for the rest of the month. If he’s young, expect to be his mother, but enjoy the sex. And if he’s married, slit your wrists – you are wasting your time and destroying other lives, including his kids.
If this man is in love with you, he will want to give you things. Anything – want to introduce you to everyone he knows and notices everything about you except the bad stuff. Watch his behaviour. When he’s not in love with you, he will notice everything bad and prefer to see you just at night.
These days I keep a barbed wire square mile away from idiot dirt bags, opting for someone who not only spins my wheels, but treats me with the utmost respect.
So is it in his kiss? Oh it helps but no – the key to knowing if he is the one for you is not in his knee-buckling, heart-fluttering kiss, but his knee bending, heartfelt giving.
