When you have a child with a serious illness, such as cancer, it can take a toll on the whole family.
Often, your time is so consumed with seeing to the needs of your sick child that you don’t have much time left to devote to their healthy siblings. This can have a lasting impact on them and affect family relationships.
Thinking about what they must be going through can help you to take steps to sort out any issues before they become major problems. brothers and sisters of sick children may:
Feel guilty that they are healthy and can do many things their sibling can’t.
Resent that so much of your time and energy goes into their brother or sister.
Feel neglected, and think the fact that they’re not sick means they’re not special.
Live in the past, remembering life before their sibling was ill, and wish the clock could be turned back.
Worry about the future, and what is going to happen to their sibling and their family.
Become depressed and anxious and think bad things are going to happen to everyone they care about.
Worry they will get sick too.
Be angry about having to take on extra responsibility and do more chores because their sick sibling can’t.
Be jealous of the special treatment their sibling gets from other people.
Be upset or embarrassed about their sibling’s physical appearance if they lose their hair or are in a wheelchair.
Act up or get into trouble to get your attention.
Push themselves too hard to do well so that you’ll give them attention.
Be scared they are going to lose their sibling.
Read the signals
Signs that your healthy kids may be struggling with their brother or sister’s illness and need your attention include:
Changes in behaviour – for example, becoming quiet if they are normally outgoing, or the reverse.
Losing interest in activities that they normally enjoy, such as sports.
Withdrawing from friends and social activities.
Not doing well at school.
Being rebellious and answering back.
Acting up to get your attention.
It is crucial to find time to spend with your well children. Even if it is just 10 minutes of one-on-one time before bed each night.
If you can talk to them about how their day went and any issues they need help with, it will reinforce that they are just as important as their sibling and you love them too.
