NZ Woman's Weekly

Forgive and forget?

Hi Wendyl,
I read the letter from Confused in the September 3 issue and could not help but relate to it. My husband also had a relationship with another woman and our family was devastated. He returned to us and we are now very happy. I have forgiven him and we are in love, but I will never be able to forgive her. However, he keeps in touch with her by text. He does not know I am aware of this and no-one would ever guess. I have asked if he has ever contacted her and he says no and he would tell me if this was the case. What is the hold she has? I need more answers and I have tried asking him, as you advised “Confused” to do. What next? I love him and could not bear any more hurt or to be parted from him again.

Bewildered, by email

Dear Bewildered,
I find this letter as difficult to answer as Confused’s. Forgiveness is such a hard thing to do yet such a great gift to a marriage. So many marriages survive because one person had the courage and conviction to forgive – which is what you have done. Honesty is another thing I think you need in a successful marriage, so you have to tell him you know he is texting the other woman. I think you’re not doing this because you’re afraid of what you will hear and what it will do to your relationship. And that is okay. But he’s lying to you while you are trying to trust him. Rake over those coals again no matter how much it hurts, and see if he can live his life honestly with you. If you don’t, this will continue to hurt and start to erode your happiness.

Send your questions to: or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142.

Issue 1541

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