NZ Woman's Weekly

Communicating without confrontation

Dear Wendyl,
My partner walked out on me and our two-year-old daughter three months ago and I don’t know why. He is living with his parents and has our daughter at weekends, but refuses to talk about the reason he left. I have suggested counselling and tried talking to his parents but he says he doesn’t want to discuss it. I am left feeling totally bereft and hurt. Don’t you think I deserve a reason? How can I get him to at least have a conversation about this?

Heartbroken, by email

Dear Heartbroken,
My first assumption is that you have done something he didn’t like which is why he is trying to torture you. If you have, you need to own up, apologise and see if that melts the ice a little. If there is nothing, then you are dealing with a very sel sh man indeed. I’m not sure what your communication was like before but there must be some way to get through to him. Some people don’t deal well with being put on the spot. Why not write him a letter telling him how hurt you are and that you don’t want to pressure him but you’d like to know what went wrong and you’d like him to help you move on. This way he may be able to tell you in his own time and in his own words, without risking a confrontation.

Send your questions to: or write to Agony Aunt, NZWW, PO Box 90119, Victoria St West, Auckland 1142.

Issue 1541

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