Hi, my name is Jeremyand I’m an epaholic.
Yes. I’m ashamed to report that I have recently fallen under the powerful spell of binge-watching.
For the uninitiated, binge-watching is when you access entire seasons of a TV show online or on DVD and consume them without the restrictions imposed by weekly instalments.
You watch episode after episode until your eyelids shut down or the sun comes up. When an episode finishes, you glance at the clock, your wine glass and your family, then hit “next” and dive back in.
It’s addictive behaviour, a huge devourer of time and makes you single.
My most recent bout was with a show called House of Cards. Initially I watched one episode just out of curiosity: Megan was busy watching The Amazing Survivor Factor and I needed entertainment, so I fired up the laptop. When I closed the lid, someone had stolen Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.
I admonished myself for wasting so much time. I needed to get things done, spend time with the kids, live life, carpe the diem. Luckily, before all that, there was time for just one more ep. And so it went until I had exhausted two entire seasons and found myself, emotionally unprepared, watching the credits of the final. Silence fell.
A black screen stared at me.
My computer, hot on my lap, whirred away awaiting further instructions. A dark part of my soul suggested there was nothing more.
The sudden termination left me twitchy and anxious. I wandered the house aimlessly until I found myself standing in the kitchen in my food-stained robe, dark rings under my eyes, unshaven, nervously scratching my arm and muttering “Need Oval Office”.
Slowly my mind drew back the curtain of confusion. I saw my family around the table, looking at me with a mix of mystification and don’t-care. I searched my memory for an appropriate comment, “What’s for breakfast?” I asked.
“It’s 6 o’clock in the evening,” came the reply.
My eyes narrowed, I leaned forward, stared at my family and banged my wedding ring twice on the breakfast bar*.
You’ll be glad to hear my loving wife and children managed to haul me back aboard the good ship reality. Although I have just stumbled upon something called The West Wing. I’ve watched a few episodes, maybe two or 67.
Megan asked me if I have a problem but I don’t. Although I insist that whenever we talk it must be while we are walking briskly through the house**.
*This is what Frank Underwood (played by Kevin Spacey) does in House of Cards. He’s cool.
** Everyone does this on The West Wing. It’s cool.
You can catch Jeremy on TV3 on Fridays, 9.30pm, as the always erudite host of 7 Days.