When his mum still prefers the ex

Dear Wendyl,

My husband has been divorced for 14 years. After all this time his ex-wife still comes before him and me, as far as his mother is concerned. Even on Mother’s Day and Christmas she will go out with her rather than be with us, and the ex-wife states that we’re not to be invited or else she won’t come. Should we continue this relationship, or are we banging our heads against a brick wall?

Kathryn, by email

Dear Kathryn,

That’s odd. But if you look at it objectively, it seems your mother-in-law and her ex-daughter-in-law have a genuine friendship.

It would be easy to walk away because you’re both hurt and feel you’re making an effort that’s going unnoticed. But I wouldn’t suggest walking away. It’s possible that the ex-wife is using the mother as a way to still get to your husband, as pathetic as that is. So if you react negatively, you send her the signal that her devious plan has worked.

You should continue to be supportive of the mother and allow her to make her own choices about who she spends time with. You might find when the ex discovers nothing is bothering you, she’ll give up and leave his mother alone.