Agony Aunt: Friends forever
Dear Wendyl,
I've always had the same best friend and, now that we're in our thirties I feel very lucky to have a relationship that is so special. My problem is that she has never really liked my husband, even though I've been with him for 10 years.
It has never been a major issue, but she will often comment negatively on his appearance or, if we have an argument, she’ll just tell me to leave him. She has never had a long-term relationship, preferring to skip from man to man, and I have never said anything negative about that. But now her attitude about my husband is really starting to get on my nerves.
How do I tell her to shut up about him?
Simone, by email
Dear Simone,
Sometimes I think we can hang on to friendships simply because they've been there for so long. But people change and sometimes friends grow apart, finding different values and ways of living.
This is okay for some friends, who can let each other be the people they've become, but it sounds like your friend is unable to do that. I think she’s conflicted about your steady relationship versus her unstable ones.
I’d stamp your foot a little – it’s time she accepted your life as it is. Tell her how you feel, that your husband is your primary relationship and that it hurts when she is critical of him.
Then ask for a month off the friendship and see how you feel. You might find you don’t miss her much at all and are free to pursue a friendship with someone who is more accepting of you.
- Wendyl
- Wendyl Nissen
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