Should I gossip with my girlfriends?

Dear Wendyl,

My girlfriends say I’m not open with them enough about difficulties in my personal life, but I don’t want to end up the butt of people’s gossip or betray my husband, who is also their friend. How do you find the line between being an honest friend and turning into someone who they gossip about?

Linda, Auckland

Dear Linda,

Who said that the rules of friendship with other women are being completely open about your personal life? I think you have every right to keep your personal life private. Not everyone likes to be an open book, so stick to your guns.

You’re doing the right thing in respecting your husband’s privacy. If your girlfriends feel that to be a good friend you have to drop your pants (metaphorically) and reveal your most intimate secrets, then I think they have a skewed idea of friendship.

Point out to them that if they were real friends they would respect your right to share what you’re comfortable sharing. But this means you need to be less inquisitive about their lives in return, because when it comes to secrets, there’s a trade off.

Do you have a question for Wendyl? Email her at wendyl.nissen@nzww.co.nz