Dear Wendyl,

I am sick and tired of being the only person in my family who does anything. I’m writing this email as we head into Christmas and I’ve suddenly realised that I have single-handedly done all the Christmas shopping, organised the food for Christmas Day, arranged our holiday and worked full-time while my husband and kids have done nothing.

Why is it always me doing everything? And what can I do to change this? Because I’m not going to do it next year!

Anonymous, by email

Dear Anonymous,

This may sound like it is everyone else’s fault but, actually, you only have yourself to blame. You can moan all you like about how nobody does anything, but when was the last time you asked them to do something and created consequences if they didn’t?

I bet your favourite saying is, “If you want something done properly, do it yourself.” Well, you’re not saying that in 2010. What you are going to do is sit down and write out exactly what you do every day. Then you are going to take some of those things and assign them to other people in the family.

Be tough, be ruthless. Then you will have a family meeting where you give each person a list and ask them to become actively contributing members of the family. Make it very clear that if these things don’t get done, you will not be there to do them as you have taken up pole dancing or cycling or just going for a walk on your own for an hour each day.

And don’t do those jobs. You will have to learn to put up with some things not being done exactly the way you like them done, but at least you won’t be the only one doing them anymore