Children’s food rules

Dear Diane,

How far should you go with allowing your children to have their own rules around food?

oy seven-year-old son is mostly a great eater, but hates the idea of eating small animals such as chickens so, in our house, that’s the one food he’s allowed to refuse – nothing else. He also, however, has a rule about not eating at other people’s homes.

This means if he goes for a play-date or even a sleepover he won’t eat while he’s there, even if that means going hungry. I’ve said to other mothers to not offer him anything different or special and if he goes to bed without having eaten, that’s his choice.

But should I be forcing both these issues more and not allowing any of his own food “rules” at all?

Mary, Auckland

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Dear Mary,

oany of us grew up in households where our mother put food in front of us and we were expected to eat all of it, and we didn’t leave the table until we were finished. These days, not everyone agrees that this is the best way for children to have a healthy relationship with food.

In an era of so many eating disorders (both under-eating and over-eating), it behoves us to think about how we can help our children to regulate what they eat according to what their body requires. Forcing him to eat something that repulses him would be very difficult and will do nothing at all for your relationship with him or
his relationship with food.

So, stick with what you’re doing. With respect to your son eating at other people’s places, he’s probably anxious that they may inadvertently feed him a small animal. He doesn’t deserve to go hungry and making him go hungry is unlikely to change his mind.

I would recommend that he’s allowed some sandwiches as a substitute. Children often go through phases of genuine vegetarianism. In carnivorous families, this is often an irritating mystery, but it often passes.

Diane Levy provides expert answers to your parenting queries. Send your questions to: family@nzww.co.nz
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