Agony Aunt: Plain Jane's pain
Q:
Dear Wendyl,
My 12-year-old daughter couldn't be lovelier. She has lots of friends, everyone loves her and we adore her.
The only problem is that she is quite plain-looking and getting more plain as she grows older, which doesn’t matter to us a bit but she is getting really down about it.
She is constantly putting herself down for her looks and her weight (she’s a little chubby) and I worry that this will develop into some sort of disorder over time. Can you tell me how to handle this?
Worried Mum, Hawke’s Bay
Dear Worried Mum,
I’m not sure what you mean by “plain” but I’m hoping she hasn’t got this idea from you or any of her family.
You need to take the emphasis right off physical appearances in your family. In fact, ban any mention of people’s looks or size from now on. Instead, reinforce talents and great personalities. Your daughter already has one great talent – getting on well with people – so tell her that and tell her often.
Then look for other things she does well – is she good at sport or a maths whiz? Look hard for those qualities that don’t revolve around her appearance and try to teach her what’s inside counts more than the wrapping it comes in. While you’re at it, have a chat about how miserable many supposedly perfect-looking celebs are.
- Wendyl
A:
Dear Wendyl,
My 12-year-old daughter couldn't be lovelier. She has lots of friends, everyone loves her and we adore her.
The only problem is that she is quite plain-looking and getting more plain as she grows older, which doesn’t matter to us a bit but she is getting really down about it.
She is constantly putting herself down for her looks and her weight (she’s a little chubby) and I worry that this will develop into some sort of disorder over time. Can you tell me how to handle this?
Worried Mum, Hawke’s Bay
Dear Worried Mum,
I’m not sure what you mean by “plain” but I’m hoping she hasn’t got this idea from you or any of her family.
You need to take the emphasis right off physical appearances in your family. In fact, ban any mention of people’s looks or size from now on. Instead, reinforce talents and great personalities. Your daughter already has one great talent – getting on well with people – so tell her that and tell her often.
Then look for other things she does well – is she good at sport or a maths whiz? Look hard for those qualities that don’t revolve around her appearance and try to teach her what’s inside counts more than the wrapping it comes in. While you’re at it, have a chat about how miserable many supposedly perfect-looking celebs are.
- Wendyl
* Denotes a required field
The young Christchurch promotions model determined to walk again after tragically losing her legs in the February earthquake is still coping with the ongoing complications ... More
You need to know
Sign up for our newsletters and get the latest in gossip, beauty and food sent direct to your inbox... Sign up now
Over the Teacups
My four-year-old grandson was at the supermarket with his mother when he exclaimed, “You’re buying something, Mummy, auntie is buying something – I want to buy something!” Mum replied, “You have to be big, have a wife, have a job, then you can buy things.” He replied, “I have a wife – Maia,” meaning his four-year-old friend. Mum said, “What about a job?” Master Four replied, “My job is having a wife!”
Robyn, Whangarei
Water you want?
I was in the car and asking Master Three what he wanted for Christmas. He said he was going to ask Santa for a water pistol. “And Nanny,” he added, “I’m going to ask for some water for our paddling pool.” Now that could be interesting!
Julie, by email
Bee gone
Master Three had his first bee sting recently. The incident broke his heart, but after many cuddles he came right. Later he said, “I never want to see another bee again. I don’t like bees any more, I only like flies.”
Gaileen, by email
Fraud with worry
My daughter warned me that “old people are being taken for a ride,” and that I shouldn’t engage in conversation with phone sales people. To this, Master Five piped up, “Nana can’t go on that ride, she’s old.”
Joseph’s Nana, Hamilton
... More