Agony aunt: Back to the bach
Q:
Dear Wendyl,
Every year at Christmas my husband insists that we holiday with his parents at their family bach. We have three children and have been together for 10 years.
I would dearly love to have a “family” holiday with just my husband and the children but to him a “family” holiday is going to the beach with his parents. It is the only family holiday he knows.
Friends say I should be grateful that there is a beach property to go to, but for me it is two weeks of hell. I have asked that we use the bach at another time after the parents leave but I’m told I am selfish, ungrateful and depriving my children of the fun that their father had when he was a youngster. What can I do?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Selfish? Ungrateful? I 0don’t think so. You don’t tell me why the holiday with his parents is “sheer hell” but I’m taking it as read that you don’t get on with your in-laws.
And I’m presuming the kids have a great time so let’s focus on that for a minute. This may not be your idea of a holiday but the four other members of your family seem to think it’s pretty cool and there is an element of family tradition which all kids love being part of.
So I’m going to suggest a compromise. Tell your husband you’d like to have one week just as the family and one week with his parents.
Ask that he accepts the fact that his parents drive you crazy and that you want to learn how to have a holiday with just him and the kids. Explain to him how good this could be for the family dynamic and, if he doesn’t accept that, then I think you have some bigger issues to deal with around control and communication in your marriage.
This will also mean you’ll have to go away on your own for the first week. Tell him where you’ll be and that you’ll catch up with him later at his parents’.
- Wendyl
A:
Dear Wendyl,
Every year at Christmas my husband insists that we holiday with his parents at their family bach. We have three children and have been together for 10 years.
I would dearly love to have a “family” holiday with just my husband and the children but to him a “family” holiday is going to the beach with his parents. It is the only family holiday he knows.
Friends say I should be grateful that there is a beach property to go to, but for me it is two weeks of hell. I have asked that we use the bach at another time after the parents leave but I’m told I am selfish, ungrateful and depriving my children of the fun that their father had when he was a youngster. What can I do?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Selfish? Ungrateful? I 0don’t think so. You don’t tell me why the holiday with his parents is “sheer hell” but I’m taking it as read that you don’t get on with your in-laws.
And I’m presuming the kids have a great time so let’s focus on that for a minute. This may not be your idea of a holiday but the four other members of your family seem to think it’s pretty cool and there is an element of family tradition which all kids love being part of.
So I’m going to suggest a compromise. Tell your husband you’d like to have one week just as the family and one week with his parents.
Ask that he accepts the fact that his parents drive you crazy and that you want to learn how to have a holiday with just him and the kids. Explain to him how good this could be for the family dynamic and, if he doesn’t accept that, then I think you have some bigger issues to deal with around control and communication in your marriage.
This will also mean you’ll have to go away on your own for the first week. Tell him where you’ll be and that you’ll catch up with him later at his parents’.
- Wendyl
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