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Agony Aunt: Plain Jane's pain
Dear Wendyl,
My 12-year-old daughter couldn't be lovelier. She has lots of friends, everyone loves her and we adore her.
The only problem is that she is quite plain-looking and getting more plain as she grows older, which doesn’t matter to us a bit but she is getting really down about it.
She is constantly putting herself down for her looks and her weight (she’s a little chubby) and I worry that this will develop into some sort of disorder over time. Can you tell me how to handle this?
Worried Mum, Hawke’s Bay
Dear Worried Mum,
I’m not sure what you mean by “plain” but I’m hoping she hasn’t got this idea from you or any of her family.
You need to take the emphasis right off physical appearances in your family. In fact, ban any mention of people’s looks or size from now on. Instead, reinforce talents and great personalities. Your daughter already has one great talent – getting on well with people – so tell her that and tell her often.
Then look for other things she does well – is she good at sport or a maths whiz? Look hard for those qualities that don’t revolve around her appearance and try to teach her what’s inside counts more than the wrapping it comes in. While you’re at it, have a chat about how miserable many supposedly perfect-looking celebs are.
- Wendyl
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