For many women, turning 40 is a milestone that can bring more heartache than happiness. The realisation that the spring chicken years are over is a point that send some rushing to the cosmetic surgery clinic, or lurching headlong into a midlife crisis.
But as Petra Bagust muses on her situation in the lead up to her 40th birthday, the TV star admits that while the past few years have taught her some hard lessons, she isn’t about to let her age, or other people’s opinions, bring her down. She’s too focused on what she thinks are the more important things in life.
“The idea of turning 40 is much worse than the reality, I think – so I’ve been told!” laughs Petra. “I don’t know if I’m happy or sad about it, to be honest. The day will click by and I’ll be the same person, just a different age.”
The TVNZ Breakfast presenter will mark the milestone date on April 14 with her family – husband Hamish (42), a freelance cameraman, daughter Venetia (8) and sons Jude (6) and Theo (5). “And perhaps there will be a dinner party. Or a party – I really want to do some dancing!” she smiles.
“I’m not Pollyanna, but I do generally feel happy. I know that as I get older, physically things are getting harder. If I have a boogie in the lounge with the kids, I can feel it the next day, for example. But there are real pluses about turning 40.”
Such as making a deliberate choice to enhance her mind rather than her looks. “I think you reach a point in your life where you pick a path – you hold onto your youth and sex appeal, or you choose purpose and meaning,” she says. “If you let go of being young and sexy, you aren’t defined quite so much by your looks. That way you get to front yourself in a different way.
“When you’re in the public eye, how you look is scrutinised, but while it’s fabulous to be broadcasting, turning 40 you have the opportunity to be honest. Joints – not so flexible. collagen – not so plentiful. But you make a decision – are you going to mourn the loss of those things for the rest of your life, or choose to build on what you have?”
Petra is nothing if not honest – which is, in part, why she suffered a degree of criticism over her forthright presenting style on Breakfast, which she inherited from “dream team” Paul Henry and Pippa Wetzell in January 2011. “They were a great Breakfast pairing, so following them was always going to be a challenge.”
But nothing prepared her for the backlash that followed. The seasoned presenter and her co-star corin Dann were labelled “stiff” and “boring” – to name a few of the choice words bandied on online forums and reviews.
“We didn’t expect the level of scrutiny we got, to be honest,” says Hamish, who is currently dividing his time between Auckland and Wanaka, where he is shooting the new food series for popular TV chef Annabel Langbein. “It taught us that you can’t just walk into a job and expect it to be an instant success – these things take time.”
“The difference between being on TVNZ and TV3 is that while at TV3 you’re battling for the underdog. TVNZ is the big kid in the pool, which can make it harder to be accepted,” explains Petra. “I went on Facebook and read this list of negative comments about myself, and I couldn’t help wondering – is this a scientific poll of what people are really thinking out there?”
In a rare moment of self-doubt, Petra turned to her husband of 12 years for guidance – and as always, the unflappable Kiwi gave her the advice she needed to get back on track. “I’m fortunate in that I’m quite pragmatic,” explains Hamish. “I just said, fine, that’s a few people’s opinions. What about the other 150,000 who were watching? It was just about balancing out what Petra had seen and not personalising it.”
And for Petra, being slightly older and able to rationalise the criticisms was a help, not a hindrance. “It’s been a lesson in patience and faith,” she explains. “I’ve had to learn that I’m not in the driving seat when it comes to other people’s opinions and reactions. When I was younger I worried what people were saying about me, or whether they liked me. Now I’m a little older, I’ve realised when you lose people’s good opinions of you, you learn to live without it.
“For me, the challenge was – do I let this affect me and just give up, or do I carry on? I decided that as a woman, whatever happens with my job, I still have a life and I’m still a wife and mother. I love my job, and I’m very grateful to be in broadcasting. It can be hard work, but there’s nothing wrong with a challenge!”
It’s this very optimism and determination that has kept Petra on our screens for almost 20 years. But it’s also her ability to close the door behind her at the end of the day and surround herself with her family that she credits for keeping her stable.
“As I get older, my children don’t need the same kind of looking after, but they still really need us as parents,” explains Petra, who picks the children up from school every day, often on her bike, which, along with walking, is her favourite method of exercise.
“They don’t need me to dress them in the mornings, but as they get older, I need to be there more for their emotional side.” And watching the kids as they happily scale trees and chat incessantly to mum and Dad, she’s clearly doing something right.
“It’s tucking-in time, when the lights are out – that’s the moment I’ve learned I have to take my time,” says Petra, admitting she now turns off social media such as Twitter and news websites while at home. “Being there for them when it’s warm and quiet, things bubble to the surface, so I can help them work through the challenges and opportunities the world is presenting to them. They’re the significant moments – the special times.”
But behind every successful working mum is often a supportive family – something Petra has in spades, including her mother Judi. “my whole life, I’ve had people around like my mum, who constantly challenges and extends herself,” she says. “She’s the woman who taught me beauty is personal. mum has lines on her face, but she doesn’t look old – she looks alive.”
And Petra’s just as determined that as she ages, her skin will tell the tale of her life. “I’m lucky in that I have a good genetic inheritance, but I’m basically a Kiwi chick who’s lived outside, jet-boated, ridden horses, biked, sunbathed, trekked and tramped. While I wouldn’t judge anyone for what they want to do with their bodies, I won’t go under the knife. As much as I loved having boobs when I was pregnant – they were pretty fabulous! – knives aren’t for me.”
And one person who adores Petra exactly as she is, is Hamish, who has been by her side since 1997, when the pair first began dating. “Petra is still the girl I married, but way more so,” explains Hamish. “As she’s grown, she’s developed into exactly what she always was, only doubled. She’s an amazing, secure, loveable woman, who I can’t wait to see again whenever I’m away from her.”
And despite the occasional stumbling block, Petra thinks the path she’s on is the right one for her. “I’ve learned a bit over the past year or two,” she muses. “I think if wasn’t naturally so optimistic, I wouldn’t have taken some of the risks I’ve taken in life, like the one I took when I took on the Breakfast job.
“What keeps me going is the thought of accepting the challenges I take in the knowledge that it’s not if I die, it’s when, and there’s plenty to do before then,” she says. “right now, I’m making the choice to take the direction I’m going in.
“At 40, I’m halfway through, and while I have my days – don’t we all? – I can honestly say, I’m happy right now.”
