Shuffling through the songs on his iPod, Aaron Gilmore smiles brightly, declaring, “You can pretty much tell what sort of day I’m having by the songs I’ve been listening to. Today’s a good day.”

But recently, the Dancing with the Stars winner admits there have been some pretty low moments – and the soundtrack to his life has been peppered with sad melodies and angst-ridden lyrics. The usually chirpy dad of two split from his wife of six years, Jaimee, in February and says the intervening months have been a steep learning curve for him, his son Ethan (7) and daughter Grace (5).

“It’s been a crazy time,” Aaron begins, shaking his head. “Some days I think to myself, ‘Hey, I’m doing good!’ and others I’ll go, ‘Okay, not so good today.’ But as a dancer, I think listening to music really helps. I’ll choose songs that are quite personal to me and to my journey. This morning it was Florence and the Machine and Amy Winehouse – really upbeat.

“And so far, my methods seem to be quite effective! If I get to the stage where I have a huge pile of self-help books stacked next to the bed then I’ll know my playlist idea didn’t work!”

Aaron (31), who was sexually abused throughout his teens by Hendrika Margaret Shaskey – a woman 23 years his senior who was later convicted of crimes against him – has always credited social worker Jaimee with helping him to navigate some of the most difficult and painful years of his life.

But cracks began appearing in the marriage towards the end of 2009, and although he won’t be drawn on the events that led to their eventual split, Aaron says it became evident they were headed down different roads. “We stopped making time for each other and our support of one another began to slip away,” he says.

“What each of us wanted from life didn’t marry up. In the long run, splitting up seemed to be the best thing for both of us.” Still, with characteristic warmth, Aaron says he’ll always be indebted to his ex-wife for her support.

“Our relationship dynamic has changed,” he continues, “but I have huge respect for what she did for me, helping me get through some dark times and very big stuff. And I’m very proud that she’s the mother of my children. I believe when you’re in any kind of relationship, you have to love unconditionally. Sometimes, you’re not together any more, but those feelings don’t die.”

Aaron says until his marriage ended, he’d never considered he’d ever be a bachelor again. “Being single is weird!“ he laughs. “I look around and think, ‘What do single people do?’ I guess I’d been so focused on the family unit, work and being a good dad and a good husband that I’d forgotten about this whole other part of life.”

But despite the new landscape he’s traversing, some things haven’t changed so much. The dancing continues, with Aaron teaching classes as well as providing private lessons for people of all abilities. He’s still working with Rape Prevention Education and MCing events… and then there’s “the midgets”, as he playfully refers to his gorgeous children.

“I could never be one of those parents who sees their kids every second weekend and neither could Jaimee,” Aaron begins, “so our custody arrangement is totally 50/50. Jaimee and I are equals in everything – we worked well as a team when we were together and we’ve continued that now we’re apart. Maybe we took a sensible approach… I don’t know! There’s no manual for separation!”

Although, Aaron may be just the man to write one. He says he’s devoted lots of time and energy to thinking about how to minimise any negative impact from the separation on his “gentle little man” Ethan and “fiery, sassy” Grace. “Kids are such sensitive little beings and you’ve just got to be really sensible,” he says. “For instance, we try to never argue in front of the kids – if it’s starting to get heated, you’ve got to remember kids watch and absorb everything.

“You’ve got to be honest about how things are going to be in the new situation – that Mummy and Daddy are still friends,and they both still love the children. And you’ve got to try to find positives for them. I got the kids to help redecorate their rooms – it was an acknowledgement that we were all moving into a new time. And they help me make and decorate a ‘family fun plan’ where I sit down with the kids and we plan the days they spend with me – watching DVDs, trips to the park, hot chocolates at a café, whatever.”

It’s not all plain sailing, Aaron admits, and the children still have “their ups and downs”, but he’s clearly proud of the relationship he’s maintained with both Jaimee and his precious children during a really testing time. “Breaking up is hard,” he says, “but there’s no point in being all Hollywood about it. Jaimee and I put in a lot of work early on, so the kids knew that no matter what, we’d never stop loving them. And I’m really hoping that the relationships they have in the future are good ones, healthy ones, because we’ve tried to do the groundwork.”

As far as falling in love again, Aaron says simply, “I would like that,” adding that the social networking site Facebook is already turning up some potential love interests. “I don’t want to be single forever,” he smiles. ”I love having that close relationship with someone. But it would need to be the right ‘someone’ to bring into the children’s lives.

“Being a dad matters,” he says, “and, if anything, I think that’s my message in all of this. Your kids need you even more than usual at a time like this and they have to come first. Being a dad gave me purpose – it anchored me. And now I just want to be good at it!”